Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
