And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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