Non-Jews are for practice
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
