Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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