i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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