ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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