no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
