I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
They took my balls.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
