If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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