is wine microwaveable?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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