Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
There are leaves in my underwear?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
