Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
