i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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