It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
