You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
