just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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