It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
