I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
