never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
