I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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