: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
