Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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