Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
