Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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