i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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