i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
