Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
