just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
