Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
