im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I need to align my fucking chakras
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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