quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
