I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
