You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
