i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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