Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
