Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
