Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
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