evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
