see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
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