She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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