he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
