Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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