does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
