dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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