I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize