I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize