I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
