I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
