i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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