Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
