The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize