We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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