apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize
