69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
