Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
