The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Randomize