dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
