problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
