Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
