If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
porn star boner night. come get it.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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