Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
