Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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