His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize