That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
