So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
my liver is dry heaving
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize