flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
