I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I will pee on everything he values.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Randomize
