you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
