i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
